Yesterday was rough. I wanted to escape. To lay on the couch and watch mindless TV and lose myself in a bunch of nothing.
Yesterday was rough. She tested me. She hit me. She kicked me. She screamed at me. I didn't know what to do. She is 4 years old, how can this be happening already? I expected it at 12 years old for sure but 4? This means it is going to be bad...really really bad.
I wonder if it is my fault. Do I not delight in her enough? Do we not have fun together? Does she not love me?
I fought for a whole year to be her mother. She is the reason I survived. And now that times are tough, I don't want to give up. But I have no strength to win this battle for I have no idea how to fight this battle.
How can I love her today? Lord, HELP!
I don't know your whole story, but I know that being a mom is the toughest job, because it demands everything. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. You are looking to the right place for help and she does love you. Just because today is hard doesn't mean it will be tomorrow. Promise.
ReplyDeleteIf there is anything I have learned about motherhood, it is that I can't do it alone. I NEED Jesus for strength and wisdom and forgivness when I blow it. Hang in there and thanks for your vulnerability. You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm here from Lisa-Jo's place. I have two: a five year old and a three year old (both adopted, since I saw you are in the process!). There are rough days with the kids, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteRest your heart, friend. She loves you. You are mommy. But she is four. Have you read Parenting with Love and Logic? Well worth the time, I think. Many prayers your way.
I have a 4 year old daughter and we fight like she is a teenager too. I have a 3 year old daughter and it isn't the same with her. My 4yo and I are SO MUCH ALIKE. I struggle with how to show her grace and mercy when I am so frustrated with her. I totally understand. I am on my knees most days... :)
ReplyDeleteFound you through the Gypsy Mama link up and I am your latest follower.
Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done: the hardest and the best. Funny how the two meld together. Be consistent, don't give up. I've heard if we tackle this stuff now, it isn't so bad as teenagers. I have this thing I do with my kids when they are being attitudinal. I tell them they aren't going anywhere or doing anything until they "fix your eyebrows": make them go up. It always works. You can't have your eyebrows up without smiling. :) You're not alone: we understand, and so does God. :)
ReplyDeleteIt always comes sooner that you thingk - the sin. But the love can rush in and take over in unexpected ways too!
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
LIB
http://bit.ly/enm8jC
I have been there...in fact, I'm still there!
ReplyDeleteOn the hardest days, I think about how much I wanted to be a mom. (And then I think, was I nuts?!!) And sometimes my soul cries about how hard it is.
I remember my hardest spot with my daughter was when she was three and four---when she decided that she would stop saying "I love you." That was definitely a low point.
But over the past eight years, I am finally starting to see how God uses these little ones to teach me things about myself, about my need to just give up the control and rely upon Him more.
Beautiful, honest five minutes. Thanks for sharing. :)
First of all, thanks so much for stopping by my blog. That means a lot to me!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I took some time to dive in around your little corner here and learn a little bit about YOU! Wow! What a testimony that you have!
I pray that this season with your daughter and your adoption process that you will find God's grace in even greater measure for you EACH day for what you have to face!
Have you heard the song Blessing by Laura Story? If not...check it out on YouTube...I think it will encourage you!