Writers Block Leads to Finding My Inner Fairy!

Ok, I am just going to apologize for this post right from the start.  It is going to be wordy and random but I have to get it off my chest!

For the past several weeks I have had major writers block.  One of the main reasons I quit Baby Bella (besides the fact that it was draining on my family) was to have more time to write.  I know it sounds crazy but I really felt like God was calling me to write...write what you ask?  Not sure.  I just felt like he has been telling me to write and I figure it was easier to obey now then later! HaHa!

For some reason writing helps me remember things, it helps me to think clearer and helps me to keep track of the truth that God reveals. Writing allows me to go back and read what God was teaching me last week or last month or even last year. Sometimes I read things that I don't even remember writing... Let's  just blame that one on the hysterectomy and early menopause! (wink! wink!)

Anyways, where am I going with this?  Ever since I quit Baby Bella (12 long days ago) I have felt an immense pressure about what to write about on my blog.

Again, I know you must think I am so strange.  Why would I feel pressure about a blog that I decided to write, that only a handful of people read?   But I'm the kind of person that can't do anything half way.  If I am going to do it, I give it my all.  As Chip likes to say, there is only one gear with me!  Know what I mean?

So I want my blog to accuratley reflect my heart, my passion....the real me. There is no other option...go big or go home!

But then there are all of these "Blog Experts" out there that tell you that to be successful in the blog world...you must adhere to some "rules."  Rule number 1, your blog has to be streamlined.  Your blog must be focused on one "mission statement" if you will.  You must have a clear focus and not deviate.  If you want to write about home decor, then write about home decor and nothing else.  Get what I am saying? 

And heck...clearly these "experts" must know what they are talking about!  Some of them have thousands of followers. They have paid advertisers, they get asked to demo products and they speak at conferences and teach others how to blog.

But I DON"T want to write about one area of expertise.  I CANT write about one area alone....It would bore me, it would suck the life out of me. I would rather shove a spoon in my eye.....(don't be scared, I just said that so you could feel my passion..did it work?)

I am random.  My brain always has a million thoughts going on at one time.

I like to decorate, I am inspired by other women following their dreams, I love the challenge of clipping coupons and finding the best deals.  Planning events and organizing "procedures" makes my heart sing! I love talking about the mysteries of God and diving into scripture.  It is my sanity in an otherwise ridculous world!

I wish I could sing.  Where was I when God gave out that talent?

I like to do crafts but I am not creative enough to come up with the actual idea.  But I can copy with the best of them!  That is one of the things that I love about blogging....we can all learn from each other.

I am convinced that I was born in the wrong country...I once traveled to Israel for work and it was the first time in my life that I liked all of the food on a restaurant menu.  I think Greece, Israel or even Italy suit me much better than this crazy meat and potato country!

I can't have anymore biological children but I still want 4 kids.  I don't know how it will happen.  We don't have the money, we don't even know if our application will be accepted.  I just know in my heart that there are children out there that are meant to be mine.  Yet I'm still scared it won't happen...

I have never felt at home in the christian subculture that fills our churches. I have never felt validated as a woman...always the outsider....always wrong. That is why I left the "church" and my faith in college.  I am different than what the church "says" is a godly woman.  What the "church" defines as a "good" woman.
 
I am learning that how the church (as a whole) has defined a woman.... how the church describes a woman after God's own heart...how the church largely defines a "good" wife are not based on God's truth.

 Now, I am not saying that the church is plotting a conspiracy against women and that women are greater than men...hear us roar!  Nope, it is not about better or stronger...although that is a good distraction isn't it?

I am simply proposing that our accepted "christian" views on women and the role we play (or do not play) are based on untruths (or lies for those of us that like to say it like it is!).But let's chat about that later...I am sure I have already ticked someone off!

Most of the time I feel a lot like Tinker Bell...searching for her talent.  Trying to be proud of who she is and proud of the gifts she was given.  Searching for her purpose...searching for her irreplaceable role in the world.

But sometimes (well maybe lots of time) I get distracted.  I get distracted by all of the other fairies that seem to have flashier gifts and more important purposes.

But just like Tinker Bell, the more I try to be like the others, the more I strive to be something that I am not...the more I lose my spark!

I am tenacious, strong willed and opinionated.  I don't do anything half way (unless it bores me!), I am passionate and I am a fighter.  I am my Father's daughter, made in HIS image (with gifts to fulfill an irreplaceable role in his Kingdom Calendar) and I was made to just be me!

Now, if only I could be like Tinker Bell and figure out what I was made to tinker with! ha ha!

Are you wondering how this is all relating to my writing?  Is there anyone still reading this? Hi mom!

Well, I am officially pledging (to myself) to not follow any BLOG RULES.  Other than the rule to just be yourself!

I am not writing to gain followers (I never really was, I just got distracted).  I am simply writing for myself.  And maybe in the process I will meet some other gals that are searching for the truth just like me!

Oh how I wish that I could sprinkle some magic fairy dust and be given all of the answers!

PS - I know my pictures have nothing to do with the post....I just thought they were cute!