A Note to Friends Who Are Trying to Help

Several people have asked me how to best help their friends who are suffering from post partum. The best advice I can give you is to make sure your friend knows that you will never leave her. Post partum is lonely. Sometimes I wished that I had cancer because then at least people would remember that I was sick. Maybe then they wouldn't see me so much as a leopar (or at least that is how I felt).

Here is a heartfelt note from my good friend Jenn. I think you will find her perspective helpful. content="Word.Document" name="ProgId">
The only logical place for me start is the very very beginning. That would be 9 months before Sydney was born. Sharee and I were pregnant at the same time. It literally was a race to see who could give birth first. We shared so many exciting moments together as 2 pregnant girls. From finding out the sex of the babies; girls of course, throwing showers for each other, fun maternity clothes, the aches and pains of pregnancies, and planning all our fun times of getting the girls together after they were born. Oh, and picking out our girl names, Sydney and Shelby. Due dates were getting close. Sharee was actually due before me, but Shelby decided to beat Sydney into the world and was born on Oct. 2 , then Sydney appeared the day after on Oct. 3.
The next couple of weeks were a bit cloudy for me for when Sharee's post partum actually started. I was taking care of a 2 year old and a newborn with a C-section and it was not the easist task. I do remember Sharee asking if I was having any post partum or if I had experienced it with Jackson. I told her that I was experiencing some depression but that it was normal. Lack of sleep and hormones going crazy will make anyone feel like the losing their mind. So, I really didn’t think much more about it. I have a feeling she knew I was dealing with my own stuff so she didn’t elaborate to the extent of her symptoms.
In November, I began to wonder what was going on. She wasn’t returning my phone calls very often, which I think we talked daily before that. She didn’t want to go do anything. She did attend bible study but the old Sharee just was not there. You could just see it in her eyes. She came to me again asking what was wrong with her. and again, my reaction was "it is probably your hormones just hang in there it will get better." So, December rolls around. Still no happy Sharee. I began to discuss with our friends that this is not normal, and I was really worried about her. Some how they just did not seem as worried. Maybe I was closer to the situation since we had gone through pregnancy together.
Fast forward a couple of months. Sharee had seen several doctors at this point and was very up and down. Some days she had a glimpse of hope then the next she was back in her dark despair. But, what could little ole' me do but listen to her and pray for her. I really didn’t feel like I was doing anything for her. I told her over and over that I wish I could take away the pain. Right before her flight back to Maryland for her Electric Shock Therapy sessions we were talking on the phone and she was hysterical just sobbing over and over that she did not want to live. If Sydney had to have a mom who was "crazy", as Sharee put it, then she would rather Sydney live with out her. She demanded to know why was God putting her through all this.
I never knew until much later that any of my words even sank in that day. She was on so many different drugs she tended to forget the conversations we would have. But, something inside me said don’t just listen and be gentle this time. You gotta step it up . I became stern with her and told her that leaving this world was not an option. "DO YOU HEAR ME?" I yelled. I repeated it over and over and over. Did she want Sydney to to have to deal with the emotional effects of knowing her mother took her own life; so, that in her opinion, she would have a better one. Sydney would think it was her fault. She may not see it but Sydney would rather have a crazy mom than no mom at all. As far as why God was putting her through all this I couldn’t answer for her, but someday she would know. I think Sharee is finally seeing it now.

Nothing I ever told Sharee by any means was profound. But, I tell you this story because if you are a friend to someone with severe post partum, please do not give up. There were times when I felt like a broken record and wanted Sharee to just snap out of it. This was not the fun filled plans we had made together. But, please stick with your friend. She needs to know that people have not given up on her and need a friend's strength to lean on when she is in that deep dark hole.

I have been blessed with Sharee's presence in my life in the good and dark times. She has encouraged me to start my own business and to be a better mom when I am at the end of my rope with my kids. I am happy to say that I have my friend back, and we are doing ALL the fun things we talked about doing with the girls. There were times when Sharee questioned her ability as a mom, but I can say first hand that she is a great mom and Sydney is one lucky girl!