Here I am again, early in the morning (4:30 to be exact, but I have been up since 3:00), I wish God would use something else to get my attention so I wouldn't lose so much sleep! Oh well, I guess he knows it works!
How much do I hate writing this blog? I love you for reading it, I love what I have learned from writing it, yet I hate doing it. But I guess that is how life is sometimes, the very things we hate are the things that are best for us.
So here goes, here are my final thoughts on my year of searching for help. You have read the stories of my exhausting journey trying to find a doctor that could help me. My search took me all across the country; it depleted my bank account, it depleted my family emotionally, it depleted my trust of doctors and the medical community and it depleted my soul of any innocence I had left. But in the midst of the obscene number of negative things this journey brought, it strangely increased the most valuable part of my life...my faith.
Sounds ridiculously cheesy doesn't it? Just take my word for it, I am not nor have I ever been one of those "goody goody christian girls that just smiles and says how much she loves Jesus even though her house is burning down." Gag me with a spoon!
What I experienced was not some trial I read about in the paper, it was not some far away struggle that I simply empathized with from the comfort of my own home (like most of us do with hunger and war) and it was not some simple frustration in life like having a husband that works too many hours (that we blow so out of proportion that we actually believe we are "suffering" a hardship). No...this wasn't any of that. This journey was a horrific, life-threatening, unfair and exhausting journey of epic proportion.
But all I can say is thank goodness that in the midst of all this craziness, there is one relationship that was constant, one relationship that never failed me, one physician that knew exactly how to heal me...albeit silent and seemingly invisible at times, God was ever-present and working.
To be continued:
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