Confession time, sorry I just have to get this out. I know there are several people waiting to hear the end of the story, but I have to say this first.
I have been struggling writing the rest of this journey because it is exhausting. It is exhausting re-counting the events that took place that year. Just thinking about it sometimes makes me feel heavy. It is much easier for me to tell you what I have learned, in hindsight, than to describe to you the events of what actually happened.
I also have been procrastinating writing the rest of the story because I want to be careful what I share with you. I don't want to fill you up with all of these christian, feel good, bible thumping cheers. You know what I mean? I know you know. I hated when people told me that God was in control or that God had a plan or that God must be teaching me something. It didn't help to say those things, how silly! When people are in crisis what they need most is someone to sit with them, listen to them and cry with them.
But what I have realized is that in my attempt to not offend you or to prevent you from thinking that I am trivializing your personal situation, I have been silencing my own story. It isn't your issue, it is mine. I assumed for you that all you need to hear is the details, the actual step by step of what I went through. And you do, but there is more to it.
See, I can't tell you about that year unless I tell you what I have learned now that I am almost 2 years out of that horrific time of my life. So I have re-committed to telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But when it comes to your story, just know that I will sit with you and listen and weep for you. And when it comes to telling my story, I will tell everything!
FYI - you know sometimes when you have this big revelation and it doesn't make sense to anyone else but you...if that just happened, just ignore the rambling!
If we are faithless, he will remain faithful for he can't disown himself.
Sharee, thank you for this heart-felt post. What we need to learn (almost daily) is to surrender ourselves and listen to God. You are right, your path is going to be different from others. However, God may lead you to share your story so that others can believe in His power and His power alone. Have you read "Deeper" by Debbie Alsdorf? I think you'll like her storty - it's amazing. Don't be ashamed of the truth - the truth will set you free.
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