Update on CPS Adoption

Please note that this post was actually written on March 13, 2011 but will show up in this blog as being written on January 15, 2009.  I didn't realize that I hadn't updated you all on our journey through the CPS adoption until a friend brought it to my attention.

The last post I wrote explained that we were definitely going forward with CPS adoption, but in reality, CPS did not work out for our family the way he had hoped.  This post is the explanation of what happened with CPS and why we decided to move towards a more traditional adoption with a large fee!
(Thanks Colleen for asking me what happened, I am such a ditz for not writing about it!)

We did in fact attend the first of what would have been 2 months worth of CPS training classes.  These classes are required of all applicants who wish to adopt or foster from CPS.

To make a long story short, after attending a 3 hour CPS introduction class which focused on the challenges faced by the children in the system and the rules and regulations of the system, we declined to move forward with the training.

If you and I were sitting across from each other at Starbucks, this would be so much easier to explain.To find the right words to paint an accurate picture of what my heart saw and felt that day during the training session seems almost impossible. But I will try.

For 3 hours, we sat in a room with 12 other couples (and singles)...all with the same goal of bringing a child into our home and loving them.  We came from all different backgrounds, with all different reasons for needing to adopt or wanting to foster.

We were given a huge 5 inch binder on the rules and regulations of the CPS system.  Then we watched as the instructors showed us video after video, picture after picture of "life" in the system.  I know now that their tactic was to scare the weak out of the room and in my case it worked.

I have watched CSI, I have studied abuse and neglect in college, but I have never seen such gruesome pictures  of pure unedited evil. 

There is nothing cuter to me than a naked toddler running around after bath time...moms do you know what I am saying?  But that day, my naive mental image was forever changed with the picture of the naked backside, of a severly beaten 2 year old.  The child's backside was saturated with blue and black and purple bruising. 

I can't explain it, but you just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you were looking at an actual photo of a child and not something born from a Hollywood studio.  The marks were clearly the evil work of another human being and not the result of an innocent fall.  The vivid marks of a hand print  left on the child's back side was enough evidence for me.

Then there was a picture of a child not more than 6 years of age.  Her neck, distorted with blue and black swollen skin, imprinted with the shape of a rope.  The image left nothing to the imagination.  It was obvious what kind of horror this child had faced.

Then there were the videos depicting the anger that some of the children deal with (and rightly so).   Anger and uncontrollable tempers are a daily struggle for some, a direct result of the abuse and neglect they had experienced.

This much I know.....These children desperately need to be helped.  These children desperately need parents to foster them with provide a temporary safe haven.  These children desperately need parents willing to adopt them when their biological parents finally relinquish the rights they never deserved in the first place. 

And I also know that these stories do NOT represent every child and every parent in the CPS system.  I know that there are lots of deserving parents who just fell on bad times.  Parents who don't beat their children but instead just lost their way either emotionally or financially.  I know this!

But when I sat in that classroom and was told that I would have to be "ok" with welcoming an abused child in my home but then relinguishing them back to the environemtn from which they came...I just about wanted to throw up. It is not a risk I was willing to take.

I am a fighter by nature (it's the God-given attribute that saved my life during my "year of searching") and I would have taken those children and run to Canada or Mexico or wherever I could go to keep them from returning to a life of violence.  That is my personality and I know my limits.

Chip and I had just spent a year of our life fleeing from chaos and uncertainty.  God had delivered us into a calm place, a place of green pastures and nourishing springs. At this point in our lives, for us to intentionally invite discord or strife back into our home, would not have been wise. 

In other words, I am a fighter.  But this time God made it clear that this was NOT my battle to fight. 

God gives us all unique talents and callings and he always equips each of us with the necessary abilities for the battles we face.  We are were not equipped to enter into this battle and God made it clear that it was not the way he intended to grow our family. 

I am not sure why God had us go down the road towards CPS, if he knew in the end, it was not his ultimate will for us. Perhaps it gave us perspective and a deeper determination when faced with the daunting task of now raising 40K.  And in truth, one of the most attractive aspects of adopting from CPS was in fact the money (or the lack of money needed).  It seemed like the "easiest" thing to do and we were tired of constantly fightin uphill to find the right agency, etc.  But in reality, God wanted us to believe him to move mountains.  Believe him for what seemed impossible.

I am so thankful that he calls others to be a part of the CPS system and the restoration of parents and their children. Those children are not forgotten and he does have a good plan for them.

I am so greatful to all those who are fostering or adoption through the system.  You are the true definition of heros and I pray you would be greatly blessed.

I pray you would hear me loud and clear when I say that I know CPS is not evil.  I know there are great kids and parents caught up in an imperfect system.  I know that my experience is just one side of the story.  But it's my story...the one I am called to tell.

If you are reading this and you if  have had a positive experience with adoption through CPS I would love to tell your story or have you guest post on my blog. (please leave a comment or email me directly) You have the other side of the story and it would be refreshing for us all to hear it!

Update:  God did move mountains for us by leading us to an adoption agency not 10 miles from our home.  Family to Family welcomed us with arms open wide, imperfections and all.

And now we are believing God for another miracle, a 40K miracle!