A Husband's Perspective

I asked Chip if he would write a little something about his thoughts and feelings that first month after Sydney was born. The following is what he wrote. I hope that someone might be able to identify with his perspective as I know there are lots of husbands and family members going through similar trials.


I first noticed that "something wasn't "right" with Sharee sometime between the first and third weeks after Sydney's birth. It was difficult I will admit, given the glad handing and pre-programmed answers we were given by the medical community (especially the Mental Health folks). Not long after the insomnia (this term probably does not do it justice) began, the emotional ride on the glass roller coaster began.

Sharee had somehow developed an inability to handle ANYTHING! Tears were always a heartbeat away, most often at circumstances which seemingly did not warrant such an intense reaction. I must admit that for a time I questioned whether Sharee could "make it" as a mother, and I worried about our future as a family. The doctors were saying that it was the BABY BLUES, or some deep seeded fear of being a mother. Our calls and visits to the first doctor (Dr. By the Book) were met with "Take this" and "Let me give you the number of a "GOOD psychiatrist". That ended up being a clinic and let me tell you, free mental health care is not all its cracked up to be. The Dr. seemed to want to give Sharee whatever he had samples of laying around his office. I told him we could pay for our medicine and to please give us whatever is best.

ANTIDEPRESSANTS and ANTI-ANXIETY drugs/mild sedatives were the main course. My belief, looking back, is that Sharee was not only misdiagnosed, but over-medicated from the very beginning. IT DIDN'T WORK!!!!!!!

Sharee would go from moments of being "normal" to what I will call being "way out there". Just so unreal that it was difficult to talk with her. She had no ability to rationally evaluate what was going on. I was helpless to help her and it was very frustrating. She could still take care of Sydney to some degree, but I worried when I went to work. She could feed her and change her, but she wasn't really able to "Mom" her the way I know she wanted to. I wondered if Sharee resented Sydney's birth since it seemed to trigger this rapid decline in her physical, emotional, and mental state. I was afraid we may end up in the papers - IT WAS THAT BAD! It was Doom and Gloom, without the Gloom - ALL DOOM!

It was like taking care of two infants. Sharee's emotional maturity was gone. She was rocked. Uncertain, scared, unable to articulate, and she was panicking. She was ratcheting downhill fast and furious. I don't know if anyone has ever watched someone they love deteriorate right before your very eyes. It is scary. I felt like she would probably not make it to 3 months if this continued. I thought she would probably die, one way or another. But Sharee is one stubborn woman, and she had other ideas.

On to the 3rd doctor, referred by our Church. Understand that at this point in the journey, we are only talking about 3-4 weeks after Sharee gave birth. This Dr. was a real treat. She should have legally changed her name to Narcissus. Unbelievable. At what point did the Dr. feeling validated become more important than the health of the patient? We will call her Dr. Dictator.

The office was nothing like the last clinic we went to. Dr. Dictator's office was actually decorated and looked nice. Everyone there had insurance.

First visit to Dr. 'Dictator' - '"So, you are having problems sleeping...and you're depressed...Do you ever feel invincible?" asked Dr. Dictator

" NO," replied Sharee, "I don't feel invincible."

A few questions later, the doctor asked Sharee to leave the room to talk to me alone.

"Mr. Morris, it is quite obvious that Sharee is bi-polar."
"No, I don't think that's it, this just started, " I said
'Clearly her inability to sleep is caused by her being in a manic state," replied Dr. Dictator
"I've never heard of a manic person crying?" I questioned.

"She is rapid cycling' and blah, blah, blah... "

I stopped listening. I knew she was wrong. But we took her mind altering medicine home anyway and I'm fairly certain it only made things worse.

Two strikes. I'm thinking this can't be good. Two doctors, two different opinions. One doctor said she had the baby blues and needed to hold her baby more and the other said she is clearly bi-polar. Two different courses of treatment. One result....no change for the better. Now maybe there was a day mixed in at some point where we would think..."maybe this medicine is helping". It was probably just a temporary placebo effect. I couldn't help thinking at this point that we just needed to find the one medicine that would work for Sharee. I now realize that this thought was not my own. I had already been brainwashed by the "system", for THEY would tell me that the lack of success in Sharee's treatment was not really a failure. 'It's Trial and Error. Different drugs work for different people. We'll just keep trying." We bought it. We were desperate, and wanted to believe.

Chip