Thoughts from Kerrie (we have been friends since 3rd grade)

During Sharee's difficult year I witnessed her struggle and perserve through many dark days...Even in the moments where there were no answers in sight (no relief to be found) Sharee never lost her faith in the Lord. She seemed to hold on to that hope that our God would "never leave or forsake" her. At times, i must admit i had trouble holding onto faith in the mist of watching my dear friend trapped in a horrible depression. I'm not sure exactly of the time line of these events, but here are some snapshots of that year: One after noon, a few months into Sharee's depression/anxiety, i received a call from her. She was in Baltimore staying with her parents at the time. Our phone conversation was unsettling -Sharee told me that she was driving around near her parnets house because she didn't know what else to do...She felt distraught, discouraged, and hopeless. I told her that i would meet her; however, i was stuck in traffic 40minutes away. After we got off the phone, my gut instinct told me to contact Chip and her parents. I told them that i was very concerned for Sharee and i did not think she should be alone. They immediately went searching for her and thankfully found her at the mall. Finally, i arrived at the mall. Sharee and i talked for a long time that night. She asked me "will i ever be normal again....you remember when i was normal-right?" I assured her that i remembered her "normal self" and that what she was experiencing was not "her"....I just didn't know how to fix the situation. It seemed like all of the antidepressant medication was just not working...Maybe she should see a gyn women's specialist? I was racking my brain to think of some sort of solution; there had to be something out there to bring Sharee back. I was sitting on the porch of a patient's house taking a break from my workday and received a frantic call from Sharee. She was hysterical, crying. In between sobs she was saying that she felt so overwhelmed with anxiety, she didn't know what to do....she didn't know if she would ever get better...Then she asked me if i would raise her daughter (Sydney) if she didn't come through this.. I tried my best to reassure her that she would, but when we hung up the phone, all i could do was cry with a heavy heart. Why was my friend going through this? Would she ever get better? I knew she so desperatly wanted to care for her daughter. Sharee asked me to meet her at Sheppard Pratt to sit-in on her appointment with the psychiatrist. Sharee, her Dad, myself and the psychiatrist all met to discuss possible treatments of her on-going, unrelenting symptoms of depression and anxity/panic. What stood out to me during that meeting was Sharee's ability to continue searching for answers while she was in the middle of a major depression. She had a binder of all of her mediciations and lab work. Sharee was coming up with new treatments, suggesting alternative...she was her own best advocate! One of our phone conversations ended with me booking the next flight to Houston. Sharee was scheduled to come to Baltimore for ECT treatments at Sheppard. She was scared and told me that she couldn't make it to the airport by herself. She had mixed feeling about ECT, but felt that it may be her only hope of getting well. The depression and anxiety had totally taken her over. Once a very independent, self-assured woman, Sharee had come to a place so full of panic and anxiety she could not even leave her own home. Chip, Me, Kerrie and Eric (December 2008)